also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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