Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
