I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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