im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's the barista slut.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
