At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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