I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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