Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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