The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
