You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
