So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
