I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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