Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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