screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
