i think my mom watched the whole time
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
