smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
