my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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