I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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