i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
