WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
