**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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