Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
