More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
