a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
