If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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