I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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