I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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