it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had sex on a roof
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