My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
