Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
