i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
