Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
