Michael Bay diarrhea
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
