I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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