TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
