I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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