My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
