now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
