We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
