how can u be prego again
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
