i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
