I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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