Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
