Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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