Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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