I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
