She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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