Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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