I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The power of my boobs compel you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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