i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
