when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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