Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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