you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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