its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
