Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
