Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
