I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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