Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
