I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
