Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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