We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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