Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
