Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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