I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize