My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
