I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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