I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
