last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
