Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
