I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
