YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
