Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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