I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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