Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
