we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
